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Hey, TL. So, i'm a bit conflicted. I just got an awesome girlfriend. She's nice, funny, sweet. Basically she's great. The problem is that she apparently smokes marijuana and drinks socially. She confided this to me earlier today. Personally this goes against my values, and I would never follow in these endeavors. Should I be offended? Should I consider it an issue? I didn't think about or hear about it before now so I suppose it can't be all that much of an issue, but I am still concerned. Should I dump her? Should I ignore it? Should I tell her to stop? Other?... Edit: We are both teenagers. Edit: as Aeres said, she told me very quietly and in private. Not making a big deal about it.
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that woman is the devil, TheLOLas
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Is her drinking a problem that interferes with your life, her life, your relationship? Is her marijuana use a problem that interferes with your life, her life, your relationship?
If not, then no.
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On November 15 2011 09:30 Legatus Lanius wrote: that woman is the devil, TheLOLas
uhhhhhhh.......Thank you? I was hoping more for advice rather then random comments.
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Why are you asking strangers if you should be offended about something? Odds are, you'd know if you were offended more than anyone else.
Joking aside, what exactly is she doing? Is she flaunting those habits you dislike? Pressuring you into trying them? Or are they something she didn't want to make a big deal out of or publicly display, so she simply let you know about the vices she partakes in? If it's the latter, I don't see any real problem. Long as you two can come to an agreement that you don't want any part of it, and she won't attempt to make you part of it, I don't think this could cause any sort of rift in your relationship.
On the other hand, if it's the former, you might want to reconsider being with this girl.
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do not tell her what to do.
how old are you two?
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That's something that would be bugging me in the back of my mind constantly. As perfect as she is otherwise, there's no way I could deal with a girlfriend that smokes pot. It really all depends on how much it either affects or bugs you. I've always been ridiculously anti-drugs though. It's all on how you feel, guy. Don't think anyone here can tell you better than you can tell yourself.
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.... how old are you .... ? Very relevant question. Something like this would have definitely turned me off early on in high school or something like that, but beyond that, you'd just have to be heavily, heavily sheltered... it's not necessarily wrong to have those values, I'm just wondering on your exposure. Fast food is more "unhealthy" for you than weed anyways, imo. A fat girl is also more unattractive than a girl who smokes imo, but I don't particularly care for either.
Why exactly does smoking weed go against your values, anyways?
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alot of ppl smoke or drink, doesn't make them a bad person, maybe they just tried it out and got hooked. if it doesn't interfere with their life its just another hobby, like starcraft
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Why is marijuana and drinking against your values? If those values are important to you, then there will inevitably be a conflict at some point in your relationship, so you should evaluate it now rather than later. One of three things must happen.
1) You decide to change your values. 2) She decides to stop smoking/drinking. 3) You break up with her.
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I think you should lighten up and ignore it. Fact is, nearly every college-aged person (which I'm assuming you are) in this day and age either smokes pot or drinks socially. A lot do both. You said yourself that she's "awesome" and you seem to like her a lot, so why would you dump her? Unless the drinking and pot smoking starts damaging your relationship (and I mean ACTUALLY damaging it. Like she sleeps with another guy because she got drunk, or she's too busy getting high to see you. You acting weird about it and confronting her and making her angry does NOT constitute as her habits damaging your relationship), then why would you let it bother you?
tl;dr, nobody's perfect, and if she's as awesome as you say, why would you let this bother you unless she's letting it control her life?
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Ignore it. It's no worse or better than a guy who spends a large chunk of his life playing video games (which is what most of us here do).
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"Should I tell her to stop?" So is she not of age or why do you think you have any right at all to tell her what to do? I don't even care about your reasons for smoking marijuana being against your values, but that question is just ridiculous.
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I thought that was pretty normal tbh, a lot of people smoke pot, it doesn't mean they are bad people.
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As long as she's not getting smashed drunk every night, and isn't always high and constantly smoking around you -- who the hell cares? If that's her thing, that's her thing as long as she does it responsibly.
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Talk to her about how you feel. lol
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OP seems to be conflicted enough to start a thread here, hence just break up. It bothers you and will drag down your rel. in the end.
Personally i have no idea what is wrong about pot and alc but thats just me ^^
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On November 15 2011 09:36 Slithe wrote: Why is marijuana and drinking against your values? If those values are important to you, then there will inevitably be a conflict at some point in your relationship, so you should evaluate it now rather than later. One of three things must happen.
1) You decide to change your values. 2) She decides to stop smoking/drinking. 3) You break up with her.
Pretty much what's said up here^^
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On November 15 2011 09:45 Probe1 wrote: Talk to her about how you feel. lol This is definitely the best way to go about it.
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